I cant turn back anymore

I'm already at a point where I cant turn back anymore, if you just leave now i think i will need a new start. But if you leave please do, i dont want to force you to stay. =/ i want you to do what you want and please dont force yourself for me. althought i dont want you leave. but if you do i wont stop you.

Actually it does hurt

Actually it does hurt I just don't want you to feel worse than you already are. And I'm sorry I feel bad too I dunno why. Hehe

I just wanna cry...

It hurts but it'll turn out better for everyone! I shouldn't be so selfish after all, I'll get other chances soon enough and don't regret after making the decision. It hurts alot but I can't cry so it sucks but it's okay cause I have something else to focus on, had fun and was very happy during those moments but should move on now! Go go nick!

Wacha Wacha

Woots just got home lol had meeting with the BI-ers lol. Imba people debating on whether we shud have a seminar. But it is decided! We will have one! Kinda still an unofficial thing but whatever la. Its not like anyone would know also lol. 16 more days till my birthday, thinking of disappearing during my birthday for once. Wonder how it'll be like, but well hope it'll be a nice peaceful day without hectic programs or draining project or work. Just wan it to be peaceful lol! Anyways Chao people!

I know I know its that...

Wala! Lol if you're thinking what you're thinking you're probably right. Now lets see... Lets try to get this blog to 2 pages just so it looks a little longer *rubs hands* nyehehe. Where should I start? First things first, I read the old posts and Wow! I feel like I WAS someone else, its either I change or I changed. Either way I'm different lol... Btw I find blogging with a Lol in your blog post is kinda Epic <_< pretty err what's that word... Lol? >_> anyways walah! It is four moths since the last post! Pretty significant improvement I would say compare to the last post and last years post. Maybe if I keep on blogging and one day I read back I would go like Wah!!! This fella emo his ass off man! Oh wait that fella is me =.= Anyways just being lame, but lame's pretty funny sometimes, at least I think so lol. Thinking of giving my blog a new name, Smile! is pretty last year kind of thing. Any suggestions? Don't give me things like, Wish for a rainbow, or Over the clouds, cause those do make the blog look like another emo fella. Well I know I can't complain much cause of all the emo posts but that doesn't mean the bloggie's name has to be emo as well. Well I think I needa use da toilet! Fresh way to end a post but what ever! CHao!!!

Back!

Wow how long has it been since I last posted? around half a year? Woots. Well yes i'm back bloggie, and yes I feel evil cause I only post when I'm emo. Well alot things happen since the last post. Alot yet feels quite little, maybe cause it's not happening to me. Oh well, lately just when I thought I saw a rainbow, it disappears, along with my smile I would say. But at least there wasn't a storm, now that my sky is pretty blank again, I guess I'll just have to wait till a miracle happens again =P Chao!!

Lost...

Lol finally posting something here after such a long time. Guess what it's 1.45am now and I don't feel tired. I can't sleep and is stuck here. Feeling very very empty. I don't feel like I'm living my own life anymore right now, feels as if I'm living "the flow" what comes, comes and what goes, goes. Happiness sure is a hard-to-get-thing this year. I wonder why... I wouldn't say that there isn't any nice things that happen to me this year, but somehow the ratio of my happy and sad times switch places. Unlike last year I've had more happy times than sad ones, but its kinda the opposite this year. Maybe God just wants me to learn my lesson that happiness isn't gained that easily. Either way, i'm feeling lifeless... so lifeless that I can't even sleep! Lol. Sometimes I don't even know what I want. When I'm home using the comp, I wished I was somewhere else. When I'm out I wish I was home resting. When I'm working I wish I could sleep, when I'm on the bed I wish I could wake up faster. WTF? Epic killing myself from the inside out man. Need a new motivation right now, and a guy like me, finding a motivation is like going to the mall to get something but don't know what. Argh... In need of a miracle here, anyone knows of a way to get one? I really need one now. Anyways I've got so much in my mind, but I don't know how to put them into words. So see ya for now!

My beearly Birthday

Muahahaha THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR CELEBRATING MY BEEARLY BIRTHDAY WITH ME LOVE YOU GUYS!!! xD Haha it was so fun having you guys around and i really appreciate everybody for attending. Haha I also wanna thank everyone for the presents I love all of it haha. Haven't got so much presents in such a long time d xD here's a pic of them.

How's life?

Woots, my 2nd semester just ended, isn't that fast? 7 months into the year already, time sure flies. And life's complicated as time pass. So much to think about, but so little has a conclusion to it. So much to reach out for, but so little I've archived. At some point, I would actually question myself how do I really feel. I feel jumble up in reality, I dunno what I want or what keeps me going. I dunno if I really want to go for it or should I stay aside and wait for it to come to me. I always thought that taking the initiative to take the first step was the right thing to do if we want to get some where, but somehow right now it just doesn't seem like its going anywhere. Should I continue to stay put or should I try so at least I know I tried, but I'm afraid of the results of what all this might turn into. Lol, maybe i'm just bored with nothing to do and so i started thinking crap. Anyways chao humans!

Let the past remind us with memories, and let the future guide us with hope. And the present is a gift for us to cherish.

Hello people!!! Well just like the title says, let the past remind us with memories. The past will remain as our treasured memory, and will always remind us of the wonderful and depressing times. Thinking the days we used to have fun, smile and being happy, these are the memories that will never fade. Let the future guide us with hope, the future will always have something waiting for us. Something for us to archive, something to keep us going, and a reason to never give up. The present is a gift for us to cherish. The present is a gift, a blessing that we have what we have at this very moment. What we have now might not remain and we might lose it, but what we have now might also turn into something better. But for better or worse we must always remember to cherish the present. Some things just don't come around twice in our lifetime. Just wanna let everybody reading this post know that, things happen for a reason, things we have now are ours for a reason, things we lose are lost for a reason, and things we never have will never be ours for a reason. But then again, all these happen so that we will appreciate what we have now more, we will work hard towards what we want, and we will never forget what we had. Cheers!!

Random

Ahaha random post with random words xD haha. Random is the new smile xP haha what ever comes comes and what ever goes goes. Haha I'm smiling because I am =) hehe. I wanna see that smile =P haha I like seeing people around me happie and smiling. Oh humans there's this saying I made up, you can be perfect for one but not for all. =P get it?? haha I think it means alot. Imagine if you're perfect to that person and no one else. And imagine that person thinks you're perfect in everyway even though you know you're not! Smile hehe eveything needs wonderful events nyehehe! =P

Little Update with a Little Surprise

Ahaha here's a update for THE surprise. Here's riddle as another hint.

Sour and pink but also sweet,
A stick to go with it and a wrapping too,
Its nice hold and yummy to eat,
What could it be, wait and you'll see!

=P its kinda obvious but I bet you cant guess exactly what is it haha. More suspense for you muahahahaha xD see ya people!!

My New Favourite Shirt

Ahaha!! Hi People!!! As usual after friday usual BI Department meetings we go for dinner. And after that we went to help me get a new shirt for my receptionist duty. Its a padini originally RM105 but after discount its only RM54! Woah! Thanks to Say Chiew, Stephanie, Ming Yoke, and Suet Ching I got this super nice shirt! Check it out!!!
Ta-Da Shirt with Jeans!!!

Shirt with Tie!
Shirt with Tie and Blazer!!!

Weee! Really like it very much! And thanks to my hard work training! I finally look better in a blazer!!

I feel lost somehow...

Well nothing has happened much besides TTC's Camp and You Hang's birthday. Its been quite some time since then and then. Well thinking back I really still do miss then. But again, I'll say I've moved on. It's just sometimes memories do return to give me a feeling from before. But that's the past, I'm walking forward now. Although alone, but I have some great buddies that would always be there for me. When I look around, I feel like some part of me is missing. I'm not sure if it was left behind or did it go somewhere, but I hope that that missing part of me can be patched up once again. Time passed, and I'm still waiting for the "one true one" or at least the "thought-to-be-one". Either way, I will still give my fullest if there is someone. =) 2010!! Its June, and so much has passed. Been through so much, it felt like the clock is ticking slower. Well I still keep my hopes to me, and hope for a better tomorrow or a chance perhaps. Anyways chao people!! See ya =)

Ta-Da!!!

I was thinking reading a blog post. Fyi, its about having something while losing another. Well, come to think of it, its quite true. I could say I've met 2 of the most special people around throughout my 17 years of my life. The times I spent with them does not matter. What's matter the most is the moment I spent with them. And frankly speaking I do miss them very very much. Why? I can't really answer as well. Maybe because they're so miss-able. Alright stop the crapping =P I really thank a few people here, mainly my heng dais, my BI department, the TTC family, and of course my crazy college buddies. Just to honour them here's a few names I wanna share with everyone.

Heng Dais: Yi Shiuan Zhen Yuan Ping Hui Chen Loong Ah Mao Kok Sheng
BI Dept: Jia Yi Suet Ching Ming Yoke Stephanie x2 Eu Chern
TTC Family: If I name out everyone here, my blog would become a name checklist for TTC ==
College Buds: The wackos!! =P

They are amongst the most important people in my life. Without them I'd be lost =P and for those who's name isn't there, just to let you know, you're somewhere in my heart. And believe me I do remember you. Sometimes when I think about you, I really do want you here, but seeing you happier than before, I feel happy too. I thank you for being here for me, and I thank you for everything you've gave me. I know things will never be the same again but, You will always remain in my heart =) Cheers!! :")

A pause from Reality

Well lately I've been wondering is how I feel really what I think it is? Or is it just another mental game my mind has been playing with me. So much has happened and its only like MAY?? long way to go mates! Lol, almost everywhere I go something would seem broken or screwed up. Well first things first blame the tiger year >_> sorry for all tigers reading this. But then again, what other logical theory you can come up with when you have a chain full of events which aren't happening usually? TREND? You gotta be joking man. Well thinking back I see something unpleasant happen almost everyday. And for the good stuff, I think it's like striking a lottery cause you rarely see good things happening considering the amount of things may happen and people you interact with. No matter how defensive you are, things will come around with their own unique way. How to care for someone without having that person know that you're doing it for that person only. Well one solution is to do the same for everyone else, but then eventually you become Mr./Mrs. Nice Person. Then the care isn't really special anymore. Get it?? I'm wondering how many people actually read this lol. Oh well, at the end of the day life goes on, even though you'll get f**k eventually by life itself. But what can you do? Just live with it I guess, after getting f**k isn't as bad as being alone right? Keeps a person occupied. I'm still wondering what am I doing, care for you or not? Or did I just screw things up for you. Oh well, at least I care instead of hating you. Chao!

Feeling Lonely

Well, First things first, for all of you that have been there for me all the time. I do know you guys are there. But sometimes I do feel a little lonely and lost. Well it's just sometimes when I'm alone in the car (I love being in my car) I do feel like I'm walking this road alone. Heard the song "Boulevard of Broken Dreams"? It's kinda like that. Late at night, drive alone, my phone won't beep and nobody is expecting me home. I might sound desperate, but I'm just not used to it YET. Sitting alone right now, kinda sucks == don't really have anyone to talk to. Which sucks even more. Well all I can say is life goes on, with or without someone my life goes on. For those who have always been there for me, thank you very much. For now, all I can say is my path is hazy but I know there will be another light to guide me soon. Tata! =P

Dreams will always be dreams

Dreams will always stay as a dream and will never become real no matter how much you want them to be. Every time I dream of you, no matter how real they are, no matter how the dream is, no matter how hard I try not to wake up, in the end a dream will always remain as a dream and we can never change that fact. We dream of what we want, but why do we have these dreams? That's because we keep thinking about them and when we close our eyes we're still having them in our heads.

"When I close my eyes, I think of you, When I dream, I dream of you"

Turn Back The Time

I've bet everyone reading this would at one point of your life, would wish you could to turn back the time. For any reason you can give, sometimes turning back the time seems like the only way to settle things. But think again, if it is not what happened before we will not be what we are now. So let it be for now and hope for a better future. Well i get to talked to you, I'll consider myself quite lucky being able to talk to you like that, don't know when I will get my next chance. It's so different now, the way we talk, the things we talk about, the feeling I get when we talk, the way we sit. It's like you are so far away yet so near to me. Even when you care for me and touch my head to look at my wound, I don't feel the special feeling anymore, it's just another hand checking out my wound. I know you still care for me and would want me to be happy, but to me things don't exactly turn out the way they are meant to make you feel. I'm happy I get to spend that short time talking to you, thank you for still caring for me. For now, I'll just move on, and see what lies ahead of me. Tata! =P

I love you, for you

A lot of people have someone they love. And everyone person is different. That's what makes love special. Sometimes some people do question, why do you like me? And you can answer with a thousand words. Or you can just say because you are you. Sounds stupid at first, but think again. How much does that mean. That person loves you with all their heart. They love they way you dress, the way you eat, the way you talk, thing things you can't do and even your flaws. That is really amazing. Loving someone for they are someone and not what they can do and what they have. Of course people do change when they're in love with someone. But the changes they make and the things they learn to understand for the person they love is all because they wanna be a better person for the person they love. I've always feel like giving you a great big warm hug. But again, even if I was given a chance to hug you it would never feel the same as before. As I'm not the one anymore. Things like that do run through my mind, and I can't really do anything about it. I know how to let go of things, yet I don't want to. Why? Cause I'm still hoping, every breathe I take, I hope for a turn back. I don't wish anything to happen to you and him of course. But I wish for a miracle to happen. I walk the streets I used to walk with you, and hope to see you there, I go to the places you hang out hoping you might be there, I write this blog hoping you know, I've not given up yet! Smile! =)