Lost...

Lol finally posting something here after such a long time. Guess what it's 1.45am now and I don't feel tired. I can't sleep and is stuck here. Feeling very very empty. I don't feel like I'm living my own life anymore right now, feels as if I'm living "the flow" what comes, comes and what goes, goes. Happiness sure is a hard-to-get-thing this year. I wonder why... I wouldn't say that there isn't any nice things that happen to me this year, but somehow the ratio of my happy and sad times switch places. Unlike last year I've had more happy times than sad ones, but its kinda the opposite this year. Maybe God just wants me to learn my lesson that happiness isn't gained that easily. Either way, i'm feeling lifeless... so lifeless that I can't even sleep! Lol. Sometimes I don't even know what I want. When I'm home using the comp, I wished I was somewhere else. When I'm out I wish I was home resting. When I'm working I wish I could sleep, when I'm on the bed I wish I could wake up faster. WTF? Epic killing myself from the inside out man. Need a new motivation right now, and a guy like me, finding a motivation is like going to the mall to get something but don't know what. Argh... In need of a miracle here, anyone knows of a way to get one? I really need one now. Anyways I've got so much in my mind, but I don't know how to put them into words. So see ya for now!